Imposter Syndrome

You know that awkward feeling you get when you know you should say something to someone, but you actively think of every reason not to. Even as an incredibly outgoing person who has learned to adapt to any situation pretty well, I still struggle to approach the random person even when I know with my entire being that it is what I am supposed to do. Even I fall into situations of paralysis and avoidance even in somewhat easy social situations. I lead a Connections Ministry, WHAT!?!?!? I know, I know, I put on a good front though right?

When I set out to begin writing this blog. Transparency was one of the most important things for me. I’ve always been a very transparent person. I have been known to wear my heart on my sleeve. I didn’t want to just talk about the good things. The rainbows and butterflies will only get you so far. I wanted to be real and talk about the tough sides of our faith journey as well.

This past week I have been diving into the subject of communication. It all started with someone sharing a message with me about asking better questions. Like so many other things in my life, this snowballed into a couple days diving as deep as I could, time allowing, into the subject of communication. In that first message that someone had passed on to me to listen to I heard the term: Imposter Syndrome. I didn’t think much of it, but during this deep dive into communication the term kept popping up in different places. I’ve heard this term here and there over the years but it wasn’t until this week that I fully understood what it meant. I broke this term down and it became easy to understand because it is exactly what I have been experiencing on almost a daily basis as of late.

Imposter Syndrome is an occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud. Imposter Syndrome can also be referred to as “an attack of the enemy” because so often it stops us from having that conversation, or speaking into someone’s life because we deem ourselves unqualified. Along with these hesitations come feelings of doubt, low self-esteem and even anxiety. Although I’ve had a past relationship with all of these feelings. None had reappeared since begining my pursuit of Christ.

As I dove deeper into some thoughts from christian leaders from all over on the subject, I quickly discovered that most authentic christian leaders had one thing in common, they often feel attacked by this Imposter Syndrome. Whether that is what they call it or not, so many share a fear of being underqualified, or undeserving, or they lack the competency to continue in the role. Even more damning they feel like they are the only one amongst their teams that feels this way. However, there was a study done at one point that came to believe that upwards of 70% of pastoral team members dealt with the Imposter Syndrome in some way or another. Oftentimes labeling it as humility, which couldn’t be farther from the truth. Now take that study with a grain of salt, as the article I found that in failed to reference the study. But I wouldn't have a hard time believing it.

Before experiencing the Imposter Syndrome myself existed a long season of Pride. I thought I was ready for things I definitely wasn’t. I was trying to take control of my future and my path. Then as I saw a shift to what is now clearly Imposter Syndrome, I thought I had “arrived”. I felt humble and unworthy. But what this week has shown me is that this feeling is equally troubling. It is not humility, it is instead a direct attack by the enemy to stop you in your tracks. To minimize the growth opportunity and slow you down, in hopes of using that doubt, low self-confidence and anxiety to bring you back down to where he wants you.

So as I studied the Imposter Syndrome I began to take a hard look at what that looks like in my own life. If I firmly believe that God is calling me into full time ministry of some sort, then I also need to firmly believe that he will equip me in his timing with the tools needed to fulfill the role he has planned for me. When I doubt my qualifications, or how my past will affect my present, I am instead leaning on my own understanding. I’ll tell you what, my own understanding didn’t get me very many positive places in life, so leaning on it isn’t going to be the best option. Instead I need to not only trust God’s plan for my life, but know it wholeheartedly to be true and from that have complete faith that I am already equipped to do what he is calling me into currently and that when the time comes he will fully equip me for whatever role lies ahead.

As Christians we so often worry about our image within the local church. As someone stepping into a new season professionally, it would be so easy to tuck this realization away. In fact I have already thought of fifteen reasons I should stop myself from posting this blog, but there is true freedom in transparency. When things are brought fully into the light they are much easier to conquer. If we utilize the army we have in our network of brothers and sisters in Christ, the mountain becomes a molehill.

So often I open my prayers with thankfulness for who God is, and for who we are in him. It is easy for me to proclaim my faith in God through Jesus Christ. In fact I am confident in saying that it requires such little faith because I KNOW it to be true. I need to carry that same confidence over to that which I pray thankfulness to him already, that I am who he says I am. That I am capable. That I will fulfill his plan for my life and that he will instill in me the tools needed to fulfill that plan.

So that my friends is my challenge to you today, just as I am learning to further my belief that I am who he says I am and I’m capable of the things he calls me to, I challenge you to also take some time to bask in the incredible fact that we are who he says we are. We are children of the living God called according to his purpose. We are equipped. We are priceless. We are beloved. We are co-heirs with Christ. We are set apart. We are forgiven. We are who he says we are!

“Now may the God of Peace — who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood — may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.” (Hebrews 13:20-21 NLT)

“Therefore, I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” (Ephesians 4:1-2 NLT)